.me.to.me. (to you)

getting colder out & the neighbors soundly sleeping still the question how repeating psyche plagued with doubt folded hands devout & weeping puff of smoke to drown my dreaming could your hand on my chest put my demons to rest? could a new song slow my mind's scheming? & i know we just met am i over her yet? well the thought of your lips has me beaming i've got a love addiction damn right that'll be what kills me i've got a love addiction damn right that'll be what kills me i've gotta love what kills me is i've gotta love i've gotta love let your shoulders down feel the waves of doubt receding stolen pleasures cloud the ceiling these unspoken vows give the stoic mouth a reason kiss of summer every season put my hand on your chest count the beat of your breath let a new song grow from our healing & i know we don't get till forever & yet every passage of love is redeeming i've got a love addiction damn right that'll be what kills me i've got a love addiction damn right that'll be what kills me i've gotta love what thrills me is i've gotta love i’ve gotta love i’ve gotta love what fills me is i’ve gotta love

ten years ago when the roads were filmed with snow & i asked you how the weather made you feel chilled to our bones you would answer like a stone tell me everything was fine, our love was real reel like a film washed out white as the hills lens flare bright as a kill blinded to the sight of blood spilled in our house friends come & go memories linger like a cold stolid moments overwrite our hopes & fears dreams never known cast a shadow on our home turned our bed into a site of irony need like a pill washed down, mind full of swill last prescription to fill in our house i'm the patient but still you're faking health, wisdom & wealth lacking a firm sense of self moods like the weather forecast never better & here i am knee deep in snow no martyrdom to sell just begging to rest for a spell should i regret her or flee to the desert remember to love someone else pleasure beyond the melt not all shivers are hell my heartbeat may be racing—oh well i made it out i made it out i made it

someday i'll learn to hold myself inside this feeling rip the curtains off the wall trade my clothes for linen window panes refract a glow moonlight filtering in groups of stars i used to know reconstellating reconstellating the bow of orion restrung for violins restrung for violins the way i finally show myself without concealment sends family portraits off the shelf framed glass shattering the window pane's the next to go who throws the brick in? catch the wind across my face cut to ribbons cut to ribbons colors in the wind reconstellating reconstellating into song the voice has room to grow the voice has room to grow & if i'm wrong at least we'll finally know i just want to dance i just want to dance today i'll learn to hold myself inside this feeling rip the mantel off the wall paint my toes golden winnowed pains reflect unknowns midnight circling groups of stars i’m soon to know reconstellating reconstellating the bow of orion restrung for violins restrung for violins i just want to dance i just want to dance

time slips away from the present for days i'm a hollow shell my name sounds unpleasant your pronunciation’s the only spell that calms my heart my mind dismounts its overburdened carousel under the weight of confession to play seems to flirt with hell but today with your blessing the boardwalk became a mercurial amusement park the horses came to life & left the carousel before the funhouse fell apart the horses came to life & left the carousel i can't shake this feeling the tide is coming in wooden planks concealing the breakers’ resurgence i can't shake this feeling admission's getting thin note the free concessions i love the shape of your palate the flavor of caramel when you call me a habit you don't wanna break well i hope to die & cross my heart a garden springs to life around the wishing well the tree of wisdom sheds its bark an apple falls & rolls under the carousel

how am i supposed to believe you believe you that you like me just the way i am even though the way i am is changing changing oh you like me just the way i am even though the way i am is changing it’s changing without motive to deceive you i think i've gotta leave you before i die but not for a long time lucky numbers only mark the meaning of two star-crossed lovers meeting sometimes sometimes at the risk of coming off too needy kissing you keeps my heart beating in time in time & now that i can hold two beliefs without contradicting oh you like me just the way i am even though the way i am is changing maybe stars align & we make meaning waking doesn't dilute dreaming maybe maybe

i'm fucking it up & don't know how to fix it throwing my change at the moms of the dead i did the math on jeff bezos' donations i'll beat his ass, donate my three percent i'd be in the streets if it weren't for my vision teargas & contacts just don't make a match i googled the goggles to make me a soldier ten bucks on amazon—fuck me to death am i the asshole? am i the asshole? i spend half my days feeling sorry for someone the rest of my time i feel sorry for me a teacher of mine in a life between music reminded me words make poor apologies so i thank all my haters & flee from the desert the scape of my mind's never been so thirsty still alive in my body i find flowers blooming blossoms whose promise is all sensory am i the apple? am i the apple? when i look at my past i shake at the losses who would've guessed what a loser i'd be? on good days & long nights i sometimes remember surviving each loss makes it cool to be me i'm just one kind of asshole am i the asshole? no no body's ever done this quite like me no body's ever done this quite like me

oh i'm caught in a daydream panning my brain for glints of gold what if i'm failing? what if i make it? what if either way i'm on my own? lately i feel like a lady too bald for your braids but so it goes not shaving my face not cinching my waist i'm her either way if you know you know if you know you know if you know you know mother taught me to pray “leave something to say when kingdom comes someday you'll thank me for selling your safety you'll appreciate doing what you're told” take me out to the bay read verses by saints we'll never know turning the page means bracing for change the beat of the waves spells revolution revolution dazed before the daydream am i awake or comatose? am i awake or comatose? siblings come to save me sit down by my side & lean in close repeating a name no one else knows oh i'm living my daydream holding a face that sees my soul maybe we'll make it the war & the babies maybe the tide will take us home poems breaking the language open embrace the rhyme & flow no words you can say can take breath away from me in time we'll dream tomorrow

open the minutes into hours drizzles into showers learn to float before the oceans claim the towers build a boat, fill it with animals & flowers sail from stone to stone i'm hoping the worst aint yet to happen the waves pick up their lapping with a thunder stroke the rooftop rain is tapping kiss the coast, pull up your anchor, draw a map & sail from stone to stone won't you open up your eyes see what happens when you row water over time turns the cliff face into a cove rivers flood the mines repossessing precious stones the prism of the sky refracts the colors of a rainbow forty days from now i'm stepping out sand shifting shoreline traced with doubt always & now i'm setting out plans shifting sure lines fade won't you close your eager eyes eat the olives that you've grown open wisdom-wide taste the sweetness at your throat bitter tears or salty tide muscles sinking like a stone open up your body feel the power in the throes

for days at a time i wake from no dreaming saving my signs for when i'm awake two birds align & sing in harmony across the sky the cirrus spell your name you know i feel the sunlight dappled on the flowered hill the ripples running 'cross the pond i feel a sudden storm is coming on the heels of this deluded calm—i feel it still from somewhere inside a name hits a feeling language designed to take love away two stars align to form the lovers' faces in time they kiss across the milky way i know you feel the starlight speckled 'cross the cosmic field the teardrops raining down from god you feel a solar storm is coming on the heels of this deluded calm i feel it still, still let's sit still, let's sit still no tests of will we'll just rest until, rest until we play in the light, our pleasures unhidden we say every night: i loved you today we lose track of time in all our daydreaming follow the signs outlining our way i know we'll heal like sunlight dappled on the flowered hill like ripples running 'cross the pond we'll heal a solemn calm is coming on the heels of this communal song—i feel it still

grasping at the root last time i saw you you were grasping at the root you thought i needed you you were always right when you thought i needed you like water thought i’d learned to tell the truth wrote it on paper & delivered it to who? i kept the truth from you so sorry if i'm way out on a limb i'm always way out on a limb i'm always way out on a limb i’m always way out on a limb i’m always shake me till i fruit the next time i call you will you shake me till i fruit? soak my seeds in dew you were soft inside & i wanna be like you like water i'll learn to spill my truth pour it on pavement & stain our clothing too i'll be grasping at the root even when i'm way out on a limb i'm always way out on a limb i'm always way out on a limb i’m always way out on a limb i'm always i’m all ways i’m all ways grasping at the root always way out grasping at the root always way out on a limb i’m always way out grasping at the root

years ago you might have called me filthy names 'cause heels & bows appeal much more than cars or fame oh i wanna kiss & don't wanna be seen it's not i'm embarrassed or i find it obscene i'm sacred not my fault you can't keep your eyes off of me sunday’s show's pricier but this one's for free i'm naked the link you're scared of clicking i'm a trans girl! cis men kiss my hands you'll never understand until you worship me i'm a trans girl cringe & contraband forever unprepared the point is that we're free years to go you might unearth another name where ivy grows & songbirds fledge & fly away a speckled blue egg in a bowl sewn of twigs first crack of light blooms a flourish of pink you’re waking hatchling unbound from an old binary the spring gives you life & the fall gives you wings you're shaking to think the ground worth breaking i'm a trans girl! cis men kiss my hands you'll never understand until you worship me i'm a trans girl cringe & contraband forever unprepared the point is that we're free the point is that we're free