Your Last Christmas

One day soon you'll be reduced to a stack of photos And a cluster of memories that I will desperately cling to Afraid of missing your last Christmas taking your presence for granted Watching my life pass is hard but nothing hurts quite like losing you Somewhere in my mind I'm still a kid on Halloween Carelessly roaming the neighborhood while you wait at home for me I was a coward before but today I stand bravely I'll be there in the morning I wish it were every day I don't want to waste your final days fighting a war that only exists in my head You did what you thought was best And I'll see to it that I don't take for granted your last breaths Counting the seconds to cherish the moments we have left I'm reminded of a funeral in every photograph And I don't want you to think that I don't know that you don't really hate me I was a lost bear cub clawing my way through the briars and leaves Recklessly fleeing the den Pawing at the ground with bloody feet I still don't believe in the God that you promised would save my soul And I am confident that I never even will But that doesn't mean that I'll ever stop Wanting to see you again in the end and walk the streets of gold hand in hand On your deathbed, I will say what you want me to say I'll pretend I got saved and cast out all the demons and fell to my knees, it's okay Just so you can watch the sun set Casting aside all the worries that we won't meet again beyond the pearly gates